Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

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Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the cupboard cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Why did a black man toss a bowl into the air? Because he just got it from the microwave and it was extremely hot.

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Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

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whats big and white and falls from the sky\ Refrigerator

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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How did the fat man survive the plane crash? He didn't, he died like everyone else!

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Who found Anne Frank? The Nazis

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why does the man appear fat he is

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Q. What did the dead man do after he died? A. Nothing. He's dead.

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Why was the Jewish holocaust bad? Because it's joke always end up on anti-jokes and millions of Jewish people where murdered in it.

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I FEEL LIKE I'M RIDING ON A CLOUD actually it's physically impossible to ride on clouds because they are sparsely situated ice particles.

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How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

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Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

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Roses are Green Violets are Black Everything's different since I took crack

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What do you call a pig that does karate? By its name. Pigs are often referred to by something regarding the 'Oink' sound that they make. Perhaps in this instance, the pigs name was Oinky. However, this is only a supposition. The range of names is really too wide to make a fair prediction.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reality TV.

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What looks like half of an apple? The other half.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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