Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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Why did the man ask the IPhone to marry him He was smoking weed

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What is striped black and white? A prisoner in jail arrested for the murder and rape of a 7 year old child.

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A kid comes across an injured duck near a lake. Nevermind he doesn't see it he's really high.

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I can still remember the last words my brother said before he kicked the bucket. "Hey you guys,how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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How many black people does it take to screw In a lightbulb.....I can't see them.

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why did the 42 inch plasma screen blow-up 6 hours before the england match ? because it knows .

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your mommas so fat she should be worried about getting diabetes

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza is an Italian food and a jew is a human that practices the Jewish faith

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

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Lasers are red, Tasers are blue, and I will use them, to kill you!

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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Q: A Mexican and a Jew are at a race. Who get hit first? A: None of them because they're from a different religion.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Q-What happens when you grow tomatoes in Kansas on an odd number year when its an average of 398degrees Kelvin ? A-You eat em

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What do you call a green dog? A green dog.

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A frog hops into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get you to drink?". The frog hops out and the bartender realizes he is talking to animals because he has anxiety issues and all of his friends leave him and he spends every night crying and waiting to be loved...so he shoots himself.

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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Mommy how come daddy went to the doctors today? Well sweetie, honestly daddy wanted me to shove things up his ass And I refused to so he went to the doctors so they can do it...

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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If a tree falls in the woods, how many animals lost their home to deforestation?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops