A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

thumb_up thumb_down +13

So, I was walking down the street. As i walked past a oak door an entrance to a mental institution, I heard a bored voice going, "eleven, eleven, eleven". My curiosity, like a cat, got better of me and I decided to take a peek through the key hole and see the eleven things being counted. As soon as I had my eye on the key hole, I was poked in the eye by a metal rod. Startled, I feel back to the street. And, sure enough, heard the same bored voice, going, "twelve, twelve, twelve".

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man drove up to a drive-thru. He ordered a coke, but the lady at the window spilled it on his lap. He promptly changed his clothes and accepted the lady's apology.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between The Hulk and The Thing? One is green.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Their were three business men going on a trip, they had only one bed in the hotel so they had to sleep in the same bed. The next day guy on the right said i a great handjob last night and the guy on the left said the same thing. The guy in the middle said last night i was dreaming i was skiing

thumb_up thumb_down +13

how many babies can fit into a microwave i dont know i havent tried

thumb_up thumb_down +13

So, a man walks into a bar. His alcoholic habits are slowly tearing apart his marriage.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two latino men are drinking at a bar. Suddenly, one man falls off his barstool, unconscious. Later that day, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, and died never having dealt with his severe alcoholism.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the sailor fall off the boat? Because vampires arent real.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was Billy's grandma not around for Thanksgiving? Because she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are Black, Violets are Black, I am Ray Charles

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the cat unable to drink its milk? He was stapled to the wall

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I have a dirty joke. Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did silly Billy with no arms get for Christmas ? Gloves.. why did silly billy fall off the swing? He got hit by a microwave.. Why did silly sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.. Knock Knock Whos there? Not sally..

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the gay black man say after JFK was shot? Wow thats really sad but I have such an appetite right now so i should probably go to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man told another,"You suck." The insulted man finished the sentence,"On juice boxes."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If you're jumping rope, and both the tires are flat, how much frosting would it take cover the staircase? Rocket!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the man say to the other man? I have a large rod

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops