i remember when i was a child i wanted a skateboard but my parents would never buy me one so late one night i crept downstairs and got a hammer and some wood and i beat them to death my foster parents baught me 5 skateboards

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock there's a doorbell

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what do you call a man with no arms no legs cancer and down syndrome? you call him stephen because his name is stephen

thumb_up thumb_down +15

George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey babe, did it hurt when the doctor cut off your umbilical cord when your mother gave birth to you. Because I have a bellybutton too!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a duck walks onto a basketball court during a game. The referee sees the bird and blows his whistle crying fowl just as the player was running up to dunk. The confused bird flies away and the referee gets punched by the angry player.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the black man eat lucky charms? Because it was breakfast time and he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

knock knock! who's there? me.(walks away...)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

roses are red tulips are too, violets are violet, not freaking blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a bunch of white men sitting on a bench? The NBA.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did the super popular, beautiful girl say to her stalker? i dont know, i wasnt the stalker.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the man cry himself to sleep at night? Because the doctors gave him 3 months to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a person with cancer A hospital patient, what did you expect? Oh. Of course you expected Chewbacca.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When life gives you lemons, Life isn't actually a person so saying that would be irrelevant

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q:Why did the little girl jump in the pool and drown? A:because she didn't know how to swim

thumb_up thumb_down +13

there were two cyclists cycling down a main road in china at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace, one being chinese and the other irish. why did the irish man get stopped and the chinese man not? because the irish man had in fact raped and murdered a young child in his native home town and then fled the country to china.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does a blonde say when she walks into a bar? Ow

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Where did Ben go after being hit by a high speed train? Underneath the train's wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops