If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Want to hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a horse standing alone in an empty field? Tesco's own Beef Lasagne.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Is Mike here? Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Yes teacher, he is home sick with the flu.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q; What is green and eats rocks? A; The green rock eater... Q;What happens when you through a rock straight up in the north pole? A; The green rock eater eats it..

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Neo Nero, why did you not tell me that Nero7 is dead? When was the funeral held? Where is he buried? At point Zero? Please I need to know, he was basically my father, or rather all that my father never was, at least I dont have to wonder if he will ever come back... I understand your anger, even if I am not even close to following your extreme ideals, please tell me the code, the proof that you are not one of the Spetznas or the Nazi`s. "Eliza"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's black and blue and hates sex? The unfortunate child in a pedophile's basement who the police have yet to find.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

youre in a room with justin bieber and a gun with 5 bullets..........

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why couldn't the teen go to the prom? He was busy working to help his mom recover from breast cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tradegy.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock Who's there

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chuck Norris can get a nuke in Black Ops.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate you so suck on poo.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Did You Hear About That Mexican Who Went To College? no. Well plenty of them go to college every day. thats good to know.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Who is a pussy ass bitch and is and has a chode? - Jeff Misner

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What looks like poo but is rainbow colored? Rainbow colored poo.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the dinosaur say to the centipede? It's funny cause the dinosaur is big and the centipede is small.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops