- Anti Joke

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

What do you call a group with one Jew and three Germans? Friends

Why isn;t the square root of peanut butter very athletic?.Actually, peanut butter isn't a mathematical equation nor does it have the necessary chemical make-up, physical properties or the biological construct that is required for it to be able to be considered athletic, stupid. You now have a inoperable tumor at the base of your spine. And I fucked your dad and shat in his mouth. Also, the cure for leukemia is my diarrhoea, you faggot.

Ok so, we have bread , tofu, coolwhip

What do you get when you cross a hooker with five shots of tequila? Herpes

Why is there a corpse in this TV box? Bob was never a great skydiver.

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

This is an anti- joke

What did the African get for dinner? Ebola Rice

Why was everyone afraid of Nick Morton? Because he had AIDS

Mother: "George what happenend to your pet rock?" George:"I dont know." Mother:"Here! I found your pet rock. It was in the same place it was before!"

Someone asked me "What rhymes with Orange?" I replied "Door hinge." He punched me.

Yo momma's so fat that when she asked the doctor, he said she could have such bad cardiovascular problems if yo mamma keep the typical sedentary habits, wich consist in a diet with a lots of fat and sugar, the lack of physical exercise and genetical characterists which make a person get fatter more easily.

What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

How do you make beef Wellington? INGREDIENTS For mushroom duxelles: 1 pound cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper For herb crepe: 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chives, minced 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water 4 tablespoons butter, melted, plus more if needed for pans For beef Wellington: 2 pounds filet mignon Salt and black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup whole-grain Dijon mustard 1/2 pound prosciutto di Parma 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed 1 egg yolk 1 tablespoon whole milk DIRECTIONS To make mushroom duxelles: Add mushrooms to a food processor and process until completely smooth. The consistency is similar to wet hummus. In a pan over medium heat, add mushroom paste, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly over the surface and cook on a medium-low heat until the moisture in the paste has reduced and the mixture has the consistency of a spreadable pâté. Remove from heat and let cool. To make herb crepes: In a large bowl, whisk together flour, eggs, sugar, salt, and chives. Whisk in milk, water, and 1 tablespoon of melted butter, until smooth and emulsified. Heat a crepe pan or large skillet over medium heat. Add remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 1/4 cup of the batter. Rotate pan in a circular motion over the heat to completely cover the surface with the batter. The edges of the crepe will begin to curl slightly as the crepe cooks. Cook for approximately 45 to 60 seconds, then flip crepe to cook the other side. Each side should be a pale golden brown. Remove from heat. Add more butter if needed to the pan and repeat process with the remaining batter. Set crepes aside. Preheat the oven to 400º F. To make steaks: Pat filet mignon dry with paper towels and season generously with salt and black pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add olive oil. When the oil begins to smoke, add the filet mignon and brown from 1 to 2 minutes on all sides. You want to create a nice sear on the outside of the steak but leave the inside raw. Remove from heat and place on a cutting board to cool. Cover cooled filet with Dijon mustard. To roll the beef Wellingtons: On a cutting board, lay out a long piece of plastic wrap. In the middle of the wrap, lay out a crepe. Spread mushroom duxelles over the crepe. Lay out the prosciutto on top of the duxelles. Place filet in the center of the crepe and gently wrap the crepe around the filet. Trim off any excess and use the plastic wrap to tightly wrap the steak. Lay out a clean, long piece of plastic wrap. Gently roll out puff pastry until it is a 1/4-inch thin. Place the wrapped steak on one end of the puff pastry and wrap. Pinch the ends closed and trim off any excess puff pastry. Use the plastic wrap to tightly seal the puff pastry. Pop it in the fridge for about 5 minutes to let it firm up again. In a bowl, mix together egg yolk and milk. Place a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. Remove Wellington from fridge, remove the plastic wrap, and lay the Wellington seam-side down on the baking sheet. Baste the top of the puff pastry with the egg wash and bake for approximately 25 to 30 minutes or until the internal temperature of the steak reaches 125º F, or to whatever temperature you prefer your steak. Remove from the oven and let rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing into medallions. Serve warm.

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool then don't let her come up for air.

Whats worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two busses.

Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

Q: Why didn't Dwight D. Eisenhower play with the silly putty? A: Because he's dead.

What did the apple say to the carrot? Nothing, apples don't talk

Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

Knock knock. Who's there? Josh. Lettuce who? I didn't say "lettuce"... I said Josh.

What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

How do you get a cow off a swing? Hit it with an axe.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops