Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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A giant meteor will hit the earth tomorrow.What do you do? Tell everyone I told you so.

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

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My little league baseball coach measured the team for cups. Its 9 years later and we still dont have those cups.

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2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

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Why is a four year olds bedroom the hottest place in Texas? Its on fire, like the rest of the state because of a tragic wildfire thats ruining the lives of many people.

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Roses are red Violets are... The poem was never finished due to the fact that the reader had narcolepsy and promptly fell asleep.

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There are two cows standing in a field eating grass. The first cow says "moo", the second cow says "Thats funny, I was about to say that".

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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Why did the girl go to Jupiter? To get more stupider

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Why did Bob fall off a cliff? He had an epileptic episode.

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What is invisible and smells like rabbits? Bunny farts.

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Why couldn't the hobo buy any clothes? They did not have his size available.

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Why does Toby suck! Because he sucks!

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a car? It depends on how fast you drive.

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roses are red violets are blue daffodils are yellow pansies are pink

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hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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Person 1:why did the person fart Person 2: wh.... Person 1:shut up I'm not interested any more! Btw person 2 got interrupted

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One spooky halloween night, three lonely outcasts walk down a dark street, no longer begging for candy. A cold wind blows through the night air and something rustles in a nearby bush one kid walks over to the bush and picks up his dog "OH THERE YOU ARE, BUDDY!"

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? Depending on the size of the car, you should be able to safely fit somewhere between 2 and 8.

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Whats funnier than a barrel full of dead babies? two barrels full of dead babies.

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A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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