Q: What's grey and can't climb trees A: A car park

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the police officer say to the bank robber? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was six afraid of seven? Well...here's how it went. It was a rainy Sunday evening. Seven felt like he wasn't cared for and unneeded. Two and Four tried talking to him, but that might have set him off. I just left a deli with my friend Three, and as soon as we leave, I see Seven, with a 45 to his head speeding down the alley. Causing mass commotion, he careens to the right a split second before hitting pedestrians. At the sight of that, I knew he was still in control. I call him on my smartphone and tell him to "Relax, park, and I'll meet you in a minute." I run up the side of the pickup, and lean in on the window. He pulls it down and I tell him that it isn't over, and that we DO care for him. One, Five, and Ten were run over though. Oh, and Seven ate Nine too. He was depressed when he did it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black man and a Mexican man are both in a car. Who's driving? The white man who is also in the car with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the black man say to the white man when the white man was drunk and naked on the roof dancing? Quit fucking around Brad and get off my roof or I'm calling the police because this is the third time this month.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is it a shame if a kid gets run over by a car? I like the newspaper headlines about stabbings better.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man was going to take his girlfriend to prom, and decided to pick up his suit from the dry cleaners. Unfortunately, there was a long line. He then went to pick up some flowers for his date, but there was a long flower line. Finally, he takes his date to prom and decides to get some punch for them.He returns with the refreshing beverage and the couple has a wonderful time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Today i saw 2 midgets walking.........now there hanging together.....in a tree.....by there necks,,,,...............I f***n hate midgets

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you do if there's a black guy bleeding on your lawn? Help Him

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the Asian man open up a Sushi restaurant? Because he had a fetish for cumming in sushi and giving it to strangers.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

JAMIE STEGMAN IS A MASSSIVE DERP Jess Pots. YOUR A NOOB

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you have read this its to late. You have already read this. Im am very sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is worse than waking up by your alarm clock on the weekend? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's scarier than a ghost? Ur mum.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Doctor! I have no problems at all! So, uh why are you here? Isnt that freaking weird? Wow, that might be a problem! Puh! I have a problem then. Yeah, goodbye!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock come in

thumb_up thumb_down +3

orange -banana and lemon say....... i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i want to eat u (RANDOMZZZZZ)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. Who's there? Stop fucking around I told you I was coming. I'm sorry. Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo momma so normal, she got married, had three kids and then lived a dull but contented life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops