telll someone to ask u if u are a tree then say nooooooo

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What did the cow say when he saw his family get murdered? Moo.

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why did the mexican work for a lawn care service I don't know why don't you ask him

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Psychics.

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Why did the homeless man decide it was time to get off the streets? He wanted to save face.

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Why was Barack Obama wearing a Justin Bieber T-Shirt and slapping you with a pitchfork? Because you didn't listen to me when I told you to stop doing shrooms

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What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Ask me if I am a Truck Are You a Truck No

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What do you call a red ballon? It depends on its color duh!

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Q: Whats Brown and sticky A: an eagle except for the brown and sticky part

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A Penguin walk into a bar and asks "Have you seen my brother?" And the bartender replies "What does he look like?"

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Why did the bald man lose his hair no not cancer obviously AIDS.

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What do you can a preschool on fire? A very dangerouse situation

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What happened to the little girl who fell into the lake? She was rescued and made a complete recovery.

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There once was a man from Nantucket... Who was fiscally responsible.

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Why did Maggie shit herself? Because she saw her son.

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why couldnt the little boy watch two and a half men? because charlie sheen left and the other guy had surgeery and now has 2 penises

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Haiku doesn't rhyme, And neither does this

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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