what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a jew is a member of a religion called Judaism, they're generally tall and have curly hair, however not in all situations is this true. They celebrate Chanukah and passover and many other holidays. Pizza is an italian dish, it's round, has red sauce and cheese on it and is pretty tasty.

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Oh you have herpes? yeah, there's an app for that.

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Why did the two blonds go to the bar together? Because they were carpooling to save money and help save the earths ozone layer that seals in all of our oxygen. They were also meeting some friends.

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Roses are red, violets are blue No they're not, violets are violet

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So, my friend David hasn't always been the sharpest tool in the shed. After all, he is a spoon.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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the chicken crossed the road. the chicken was then caught by animal control because it was in the middle of a city.

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What did the guy say to helen keller nothing... according to helen keller

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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You know what's worse than having a terrible boss? Being unemployed.

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What is small, naked and covered in sperm My son

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Why was the baby crying? Because it was just born and usually a baby cries when its born, if it dosent it usually means something is wrong, so the mother was happy to hear her baby cry.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

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What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

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Q: What did the gun say to the person. A: Bang.

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A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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What's the difference between an orange and a banana? they're spelled differently

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Your momma smells so bad that she purchased arm and hammer products to improve upon her natural scent.

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my computer teacher just left the room. teehee JLR

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What rhymes with car? Not kangaroo

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whats the strongest muscle the man who can't talk has. definatly not his mouth

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops