Roses are red my name is dave this poem makes no bloody sense microwave

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How do you knock a cat out of a tree? If that doesn't work, use a lethal BB gun

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why did the clown cross the road? to kill everyone in the dark knight midnight premiere

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Q: What happens when two planes both crush a tower in New York City? A: Bad news.

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What do you call someone trying to be funny? An anti-comedian.

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Q-What do you call a dog with no legs? A-Nothing because he cant come over to you anyway..

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What is orange and sticky? A blue ice cream with no skeletal structure Hang on, Ice Creams don't talk and the ice cream wasn't even yellow!

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I'm Stephen Hawking, and I'm a PC.

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Why don't vampires like garlic? Every vampires was raped by a garlic salesman.

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How do you stop 5 black guys from raping one white girl? You call the police.

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what do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? -a seagull

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A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a bar. All three are alcoholics and have done irreparable damage to their livers.

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What do Whitney Houston and Selena Gomez have in common? They are both dead. Exept for Selena Gomez..

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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Why did the man eat his cellphone? Because he has a serious mental disability, and did not know that it was not a normal thing to do, and for anybody to laugh at him for doing something like this is just a sick person.

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How did the terrorist die? He flew a plane into a twin tower

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Hi! This is Ms.McGruder you two boys in my office at 3:00 p.m. today

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Democracy.

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Q: What did the monkey say to the parrot? A: I like trains so feed me bananas!

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why was the female student failing out of school? because she made bad choices and never gave school her all.

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Joke: two polar bears were in a bath tub. One said "pass the soap." And the other one said "no soap, radio!"

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police your parents just died in a car accident

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding Barney the purple dildo!

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How do you kill a blonde girl? You put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a filled pool.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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