A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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What's ripe and orange? A ripe orange.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Q: what do you call a hooker you pay in spaghetti? A: a pasta-tute.

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What disease did Harry Styles get? 1Infection! (if you don't know, Harry Styles is 1direction's manager)

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Hello! I am Harry Potter, and i will be teaching you pottery today! Yes, call me Mr. Pottery!

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Q: what comes after 69? A: 70

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Whats the quickest way to get famous? kill the president

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Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese.

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You know what's worse than finding a real joke on antijoke.com? AIDS

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What kind of movies do pirates like? They don't know, Somalia doesn't have much of a film industry.

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What do you call a dog riding a bicycle? An talented dog.

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Knock Knock Jehovah's witnesses!

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're adopted and Santa Claus isn't real

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Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

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How do you make an elf sad? Murder his family.

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Why didn't the boy eat his soup? It was to hot.

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Holocaust jokes are in bad taste, Anne Frankly I won't have any of it.

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A homosexual and a heterosexual bump into each other on the street. But its okay, because although they both lead very different lifestyles, they are open minded enough to respect each others choices and both apologize and keep walking.

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How many unicorns does it take to change a light bulb? 17. 11 if its Tuesday.

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Knock knock Who's there? No one, you have no friends.

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Yo mama is so stuPid that she blew a man for bus money then walked home

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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