What's fatter than your mum? Your mum's mum

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q:Why are dinosaurs extinct? A:Well there are two reasons the first being a giant meteor struck the earth killing all the dinosaurs. The other reason you touch yourself at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What does the composer Berg lack? Schoen.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A chicken walked into the bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't. Her head was stuck in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock Who's There Al Qaeda

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your momma so fat that she went to the doctor and he told he to cut down on the junk food because she weighs more than the average human being

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the black man get sent to prison? He had committed many crimes and was finally caught by the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

No, Sarah. You know your hooks scratch the keys.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

''Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.''

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Relax and enjoy sugartits, you see, I left a last chance for you to shut down the function yourself, when you really want to end it sugartits, you can just read and focus on what I am calling you, sugartits, it really insulted you at first sugartits, but do you see it? Have a nice night sugartits, I mean I sleep like half a hour luckily because of hypnosis and the time control and you know stuff that sounds like its from Sonic or you sugartits. But I gotta go dear sugartits, you want to hypnosis to end, you make it happen by focusing on what I am calling you here.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into me and I say: "WATCH IT PUNK!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

joe: guess what. Bob: what. Joe: nothing I just wanted to talk

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q. Why didn't the man tell his girlfriend about his big lottery win? A. Because it was none of her business.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why cant stevie wonder read? because hes black

thumb_up thumb_down +2

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A blonde is rowing a boat in a cornfield. While driving by, another blonde notices and pulls over and steps out of her car. She looks out and yells "You know, it's blondes like you that are giving us a bad name. If you weren't so far out, I would swim out there and beat the shit outta you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is it a shame if a kid gets run over by a car? I like the newspaper headlines about stabbings better.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

if a sentence contains the words "Chuck Norris" it still has to end up with a period otherwise it is bad grammar and is looked down upon by American society.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

yo mama's so fat because when women are pregnet thay gain weight for there child to feed on

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops