Elise's parents have four children. The first's name is April, the second's name is May, the third's name is June. What's the fourth children's name ? July. Elise is adopted, and thus does not count.

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A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. They grab a drink and really hit it off despite their differences. After a couple years of happy dating, the rabbi, Mark, preposes. Gloria, the nun, gladly accepts. After four months, Gloria is pregnant. She dies in childbirth. The child has many illneses and dies within a week. Mark commits suicide.

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What did God tell Moses to deliver to the Hebrews? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? Boy scouts come back from camp.

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Did you hear the one about the Mexican that went to college? All his life, Juan wanted to get a decent education, but was unable to due to his family's low income. So Juan worked hard all his life, and got a part-time job. He made a little cash here, a little there. He also studied vigorously, getting a 33 on his ACT. All that work eventually paid off, and Juan was eventually accepted at Princeton University. Juan is now a highly paid Neurological surgeon, and has saved countless lives

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Your mom is such a slut that your dad didn't even ask her if you were his biological child and raised you as if you were, regardless of what the dna results may suggest.

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In the movie, Full Metal Jacket, my favorite part was when the entire platoon beat PVT. Pyle with hard soap while he was tied down. Actually I am lying. That part was extremely cruel.

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Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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What's worse that pooping in your pants having someone see it

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because seven threatened to murder his family

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Why did the chicken cross the buffet table? To get to the other sides.

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What's good about having alzheimers? You meet new people every day!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, a bus hit it half way along and it died instantly.

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Why did the man think inside of the box? Because he was inside of the box.

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#So tell me what you want, what you really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want.# OhOk then. I'll take that photo of your mother.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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What do you call a black guy that has a big white coat, an assortment of knives and a couple of women working for him? A doctor

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I'm funnY!!! Haha pënis

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What do you call a man will dementia who just killed his cousins, wife, children, and teacher. His name. He's still a man until he's put in a mental institution.

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if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

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Gregory: Hey, aren't you that pretty girl I saw from the party? Jenny: Huh? Gregory: No wait, it can't be you. Because you are WAY prettier. Jenny: Aw, that's so sweet, lemme give you my phone number. Gregory: Okay I'm ready to copy Jenny: It's 1-800-get-a-life-loser Gregory: Biitch

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench can support a family

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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