One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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Why did the black man run out of the shop with items under his jacket? He was shopping for groceries, when his brother texted him, letting him know that his wife had just gone into labour. He then realised that it was a very miserable rainy day outside and he didn't have an umbarella, so he payed for his items, and ran to his car.

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EVOLUTION OF MODERN SAYINGS 1 The Samurai: If at first you don't succeed, kill yourself. The British: If at first you don't succeed, give up The Americans: If at first you don't succeed, sue someone, then try again in hopes of a larger payout next time

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So there's this moose right? And he walks into the store and asks where the potatoes are. And the cashier lady says aisle 5. So the moose walks to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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A girl and her family were walking by a cliff. Suddenly - due to a a part of the cliff falling away - her family fell over the edge and died. The girl ran to the bottom of the cliff and saw her family's body's strewn across the rocks, blood everywhere. She didn't have a phone on her and so could not call the police. She called over a man she saw in the distance. He asked "What's happened?". Just managing to stammer the words through her tears she said "My entire family fell off a cliff and died". The man unzipped his trousers and said "This really isn't your day is it love?"

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

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What 10 inches long and wont be getting sucked this valentines day? Whitney Houstons crack pipe

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What is the difference between a blond and a mummy? A blond has a brain.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? His car was parked across the street.

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osama bin ladin is dead. let's get a beer.

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whats the difference between blue and green? there different colours.

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roses are red violets are dead honey is yellow and so is head

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Then none of us want to be right.

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Why does no one like fat people? Because of Jesse Ziegenbein

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I can't see ~ Ray Charles

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What did the Dad say when his daughter murdered everyone Tea you're grounded

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you know whats worse than being cold? being colder

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world society

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Q: Whats black and hangs from a tree???? A: A tire!!!!!!!!!!!

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A couple arrive at a Halloween party for nudists. Then they enjoy the themed decor and food.

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How do you tell when your dog is dead? I don't know. I never had a dog and my parents beat me.

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Women's Rights

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What did the bank teller say after the man asked for a pen? Would you prefer black or blue?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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