Why couldn't the dead man take a shit? He was severely constipated

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John is at the movies, when he drops his cookie on the floor. A passer-bier accidentally steps on it as he's about to pick it up. "Sorry" says his man. "I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles" said Terry. The man then proceeds to murder Terry.

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and gay people? Quite a bit, actually, because Justin Beiber is one person, and "gay people" is a community.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? If the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are because there are no replacement light bulbs, the don't have transportation, and the nearest store is 10 miles away. In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was just a young boy living in a quaint suburbial town, his family, 1 2 3 4 and 5 were all killed by 7. 7 then burned down their house while 6 ran away from the blazing inferno he used to call home. 6 was forced to live off the land in order to survive. 6 built a house using only mud and sticks and a little elbow grease. When 7 heard the news that 6 was still alive and well in the forest, 7 went into the woods, tracked down 6's home and again burned it down. When 6 came back from a day of fishing and a handfull of fish, he saw that his house was burned down. The fish then escaped from his hands, and flew away. 7 had left a note on the ground that said 7. 6 then recalled the first time 7 had killed his family and burned down house. 7 had now burned down two of 6's houses. That is why 6 is afraid of 7.

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What's the difference between a piece of chicken and a black guy? They were both once alive and innocent, I lied about the black guy.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

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How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

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Why did Gary have severe learning difficulties? Because his mother drank a lot of alcohol while she was pregnant, and it harmed his development significantly.

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Why did the surrealist go to the doctor? Knock Knock.

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What do you call a blonde who passed the SAT's? An excellent student.

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a person who will soon die of beeties

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because having no sense of hearing or vision she is completely incapable of operating any sort of machinery.

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Whats 1 foot long and went in and out of my girlfriend? Our new baby

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A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

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Why did the Muslim cross the road? He was on fire and he needed to get to the lake on the other side of the street to put himself out.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? One second let me count them.

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why was the asian kid the only one to get an A+ in the test? He spent the longest time studying and was therefore better prepared than the other students.

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What's red and green And moves at 300mph A frog in a blender

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watched pride and prejudice last night. I hate period dramas... too much blood

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Why did Elsa go into hiding. She died

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Photons have mass? i didn't even know they were catholic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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