What's one very bad way to injure yourself? Smashing your head against a metal surface

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

My trip to Italia: Italian most: WELCOME TO ITAAAAAAALIA! YOU WANT THE PIZZA YES? Me asking my then Italian girlfriend: Are all Italians so loud? Then girlfriend: Yeah kinda... Her brother overhearing us: WHO! GAVE! YOU THE BALLS! TO JUDGE US! Me: Uh I am just surprised at... Her bro: I SAID WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS... DONT LOOK AT ME! Me: *looking down at the ground somewhat ashamed* bro: LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! NO! DONT LOOK AT ME! I will let you go for this time yes? Next time I will take you outside and beat you up okay? LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! AND DO NOT LOOK AT ME! Conclusion: Wow you Italians are bad ass... I mean hell this is was a real life experience of mine, I was just a teen back then but I got a headache and threw up ending up in bed later... Fact: I am nearly two meters but walk with a hunch, the guy was half my size but still broke me down, wow Italians are bad ass...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was Jerry Sanduski at K-Mart? He heard boys pants were half off!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a blonde on anti-joke? Fairly paranoid because of the typical blonde stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

.sdrawkcab siht gnidaer era ouy ,siht daer nac ouy fI

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the mountains? A: Bear food.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

thumb_up thumb_down -6

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding herpes in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chick Norris... Enough said

thumb_up thumb_down -6

When is a clown happy? At a child's birthday party.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road!? He was supposed to be dead! You are by far the most incompetent chicken assassin we've ever had. You're fired.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you get an elephant in the fridge in three moves open the door, put it in, close the door How do you put an giraffe in the fridge in four moves open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe in, and close the door

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what did the dog say to the cat? give me back my dog food.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is 6 1/2 inches when erected? My penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

THER ONCE WAS A jueny WITH A TEN FOOT WENNY AND HE WENT TO SHOW IT TO THE LADY NEXT DOOR SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A SNKE SO SHE HIT IT WITH A RAKE AND NOW ITS ONLY FIVE FOOT FOUR!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How did Mario finally defeat Bowser? He took Steriods

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the audience watching inception say at the end ................ WAT THE FUK

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a fridge at him

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal, and this wasn't just any road. It was the new highway built, with frequent traffic jams and a speed limit of 90 mph.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: Whats the difference between a table and a Mexican? A: You tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops