Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, Jack sat on his candle, and burnt his ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

whats 2+2? math.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Q: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How did the Mexican get into the United States? He showed his passport, and the correct documents & information, and was admitted into the country as a new American citizen.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Q: What's worse than not having a good relationship? A: Starving Africans

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Pete suffers from a scraped knee and a bruised tailbone.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How do you annoy a farmer? Shoot his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A Horse walks into a Bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Horse had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

In Soviet Russia life had both pros and cons.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do a carrot and a kangaroo have in common? Nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

why did the mexican cross the road? to get to the lawn mowing shop becuase his wife has breast cancer, and he cant pay the bills sitting on his butt and getting a check from the government every month

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What is the only day of the year when you're guaranteed to find me? The day I kill you.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

As far as I know, the day after tomorrow is going to be YOUR lucky day, because you will be tasting sausage for the first time with your lower lips... No seriously, you cant be virgin, you can tell me the truth, you like 24 or something?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Is your refrigerator running? yeah oh...just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the boy fall out of the tree? He died

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Your mamas so old she died of old age, R.I.P.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: How do you count the population of Mexico? A: Take a census.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is the difference between my dog and my girlfriend? I love my dog

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Johnny tried talking to his dog, there was no response.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops