A man named Jack has three kids. The oldest is named Jordan, the middle one is named Kim, and the youngest is named Alex. One day Jordan walked up to his father and asked him how his day was. His father replied, "It was fine."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? lts of stuff like murder, rape, slavery, poverty, mindcontrol, mass genocide, the holocaust, racism, plagarism, physichal assault, war, terrorism, massacres, onsloughts, necrophillia, the dead rising, zombies, jokes on antijokes.com, awkward situations, dieing, cancer, ADHD, other mental illnesses, paint, the grim reaper, shinigami, stereotyping foreigners, prejudicism, bullying, armed robbery, hacking, viruses, incest, feral animals, getting lost in the forest, arsonry, pyromania, passing out in a bar, meeting a serial killer, and finding 2 worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two nineteenth century men walk into a bar. Their wives didn't complain, because if they did they'd get hit. hard.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Gary have severe learning difficulties? Because his mother drank a lot of alcohol while she was pregnant, and it harmed his development significantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +11

three blondes are walking along the beach on a desert island, they each have plans to escape. The first swims off the island but is swept in with the current back to land The second blonde burns an SOS into the sand using a rock and twigs-the wind blows it out The third, realising how immature her freinds were, reaches into her pocket and pulls out her mobile phone and begins dialling the coast guard.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the farmer's wife leave the farm? Because she was a lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three women are sitting in a bar. One is drinking beer, one is drinking wine and one is drinking vodka. Which one is the widow? The one whose husband is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I really want to wear my Christmas leggings Actually I lied about the leggings, they're tights I love anal

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are green,violets are blue,i'm high as ****,is that perfume or glue?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is worse than the Haulocost? Running across Africa with KFC

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to give him a bad reputation, but not enough to kill him

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because it is very difficult for someone with a vision impairment to operate a vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

i'm not random but cheese does get a bit purple if you leave it in your laptop then the battery dies and the sun expands and kills every dodo alive even though they're extinct but that not the point

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than 13 babies stapled to one tree? One baby stapled to 13 trees...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did one Japanese man say to the other? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

the awkward moment when you have a boner on your boner

thumb_up thumb_down +11

An asian and a black guy walked into a bar. An ambulance rushed to their aid as they were in great pain and had a slight chance of becoming paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

nothing drews nose is f**ing hilarious

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why is purple the best color. Cuz icecream has no bones

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops