What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are stupid. It most likely starved to death when it got stuck in a hole.

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What's the difference between tiger woods and Santa clause? Tiger woods is a thug

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What did the P.E. coach say to the fat kid? you need to exercise

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Why did the Teacher cry? Because he was sad.

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What do you call a man who's eating thirty big macs ? Hungry.

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I pushed my friend off the bed after losing to him in FIFA 2011. He died.

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What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

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what's the difference between a duck? You can't wash a window with a brick.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.

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If monkeys ate trees, than what would trees be made out of? No one knows because that will never happen.

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the gay guy's house knock knock who's there? the chicken

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Q: What is the leading cause of pedophilia? A: Sexy children.

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What did the Asian store clerk say to the midget? yay penis

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What do you call a fat kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

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What did Batman say to Robin after they got on the bus? We should have taken the batmobile.

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What do you call a blonde surgeon? Not stereotypical

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How do you mess with Hellen Keller? Re-arrange her furniture.

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Hi, this is luke. Luke, I am your father. I burned my father's body after he died saving my life on a large space station. You're not my father, stop calling.

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Why did a car full of African-American men pull up to a lonely, caucasian man walking on the sidewalk at 12 p.m. in Harlem? To ask for directions.

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Depends how you look at it, I like some girl, she and that girl gets along, I get along with the two girls, and yeah, I make them fight to the death as I consume the weakest one and make the new one my wife of darkness! Well, actually, threesomes, but NEVAH, NEVAR!! *shakes fist towards the skies* with another man! Now if my waifu wants to have some fun with a girl, I say why not (and then she asks if I want to join always so far), its genetics, you know, each caveman had like 600 wivus and he did not have time to bang them all, now let those genes go trough MAN for a couple of millenia, and he becomes the KING OF DEMONS... ME! Those other scumbags are a whole other story. Oh, and the 600 wivus did either go without sexytime, or you know... I mean you do KNOW that women are like comfortable naked together and yeah...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops