how do you wake up lady gaga you poke her face

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He was shot. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He was mentally disturbed. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

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Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling. All the other ducklings made fun of the ugly duckling for being so ugly, and the little duckling felt bad. "Why do I have to be such an ugly duckling?," he asked. However one day, the duckling grew up and became........well, an ugly duck. Turns out he was just an ugly duck. The end.

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What do a black man and an elephant have in common? They are both multi-cellular organisms, they both belong to the kingdom Animalia, the phylum Chordata, and the class Mammalia, they both possess vertebrae, they both move through legged locomotion, they both possess knee joints and they both possess the capacity for altruistic behavior.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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yo mamas so old she probably ralises the greater risk of breast cancer in middle age women.

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Q: What do you call black guys running down a hill? A: Black guys running down a hill.

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What did the white doctor say to the black doctor? We both went to medical school.

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Q: What's the difference between lucky charms and a baby? A: One is magically delicious and the other is a breakfast serial.

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What's the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck; the other regrets having you as a child.

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What did the cancer patient get for Christmas? 2 weeks to live...

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i lyk 2 eet pup

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Dead on Aodhan your breaking te ten commandments by lying you jew you dont believe in the divinity of Christ.

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A man walked into a lampost. He hurt himself.

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Why did the cop hate black people? He was a racist.

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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What does the redhead miss most at a party? Her father. He was in a car accident when she was young.

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Why did the little boy cry? He fell down the stairs

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Roses are red Violets are blue There's always an Asian Better than you

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a cannibal and like to burn people.

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Why was the iPhone screen cracked? Because it was dropped on a rock.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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