what happens when you piss on a dead monkey nothing you just lose the urge to pee O.o

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How do you get Suzy to get off the swing? Ask her to move.

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your so homosexual you go to a gay bar every couple of weeks so you get the social acceptance you need.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

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Q: How is a cloud like orange juice? A: Neither have wheels.

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He decided to sail to Portland. He cast off and was never seen again.

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what's the difference between a pogo stick and a traffic cone? well for starters, traffic a cones main function is to cordon off areas or alert drivers to certain areas of road that are not to be breached and pogo sticks are used as toys to heighten bouncing. I'll stop here but the list goes on.

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Q. What happened to the kid with 1 arm and 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 leg A. He had a seisure, then got hit by a bus

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what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

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What do you call a fish with no fins? Dead.

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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Unconventional thinking Something else out of one: So sometimes I feel there is something I want right? But I don't feel like I deserve it yet or i hesitate although I fucking want it So I go home, decide to take my time before I decide to buy it, and sit my ass on a chair covered with spikes until I decide it is time to get it, Moral 1: You want to take the better decision but don't feel time is right? Some spikes up your ass is not only the perfect way to change your mind, but in this case an excellent metaphor to why you want to keep doing whats best for you. Moral best: Think if you could get all that time you spent hesitating back, would that not be awesome? What if you just stop hesitating now? Would that not be aweso... Go fuckyourself... Nerometal Fuck Neronism... Cool name though

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

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What did the terminally sick child dream of? I dont know. He never woke up to tell me.

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How did the blond become a pilot? By attending flight school, graduating, applying to an airline to which she subsequently was hired to, taking frequent training courses, and beginning work.

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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A Hideo Kojima AntiJoke Typed by Hideo Kojima. Idea By Hideo Kojima. Concept By Hideo Kojima Spacing by Hideo Kojima Controlled for typos by Hideo Kojima Overseen By Hideo Kojima Aproved By Hideo Kojima. Reconsidered By Hideo Kojima Accepted by Hideo Kojima What took you so long?

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What did death say to life? Go die

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How do you give an 80 year old man a heart attack? Hold a gun to his head

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42

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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