Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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the bully said, you're just small fries. the fries couldn't help it someone ordered a small!

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What do Chinese kids have that African kids dont? Chinese citizenship and at least one Chinese parent.

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If u give brandon a stick he will most likely poke u

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

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Why did the black guy not like oreos? because he is a very health concious person and knowes that too much of a bad thing can make you fat.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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What happened to the black man when he was hit by a truck? He died.

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

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What do you get when you cross a spider with a cow? A dead spider.

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What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

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A B C D E F G.... Gummy bears are chasing me 1 is red, 1 is blue 1 is tryin to steal my shoe now i'm running for my life cuase the red 1 has a knife

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Sometimes while i am play my music loudly in my apartment my neighbor knocks on the wall He is slowly losing his grip on reality and believes the wall is a door

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why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because i shot him. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? he was in front of the monkey

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Q: Why did Sally keep falling off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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what's the difference between an abortion clinic and my basement? there are more dead fetuses in my basement

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

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I told my two lesbian friends I wanted to join them. I am a priest in a Gay Marriage friendly state and they are happily married.

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What did the American man say to his brother right before his brother's wedding? You should not get married because most likely your marriage will end in a horrible divorice, which will ruin the rest of your pathetic life.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Who created Apple? Steve jobs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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