Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why was the little boy screaming. he realized he was an asian

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you kill a priest? Shoot him in the forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is an offensive way to refer to black people from the time of the Flint Stones? Niggers

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the Asian student do well in school? Because he worked hard and studied everyday

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a gun, get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the cock was on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the difference between a black man and a orange? One is a fruit and other isn't

thumb_up thumb_down -1

S + B + B = SB fuckin' B

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red , Violets are blue You little dumb ass bitch Ain't fuckin' with yoouuuuuu

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -1

There were two bagels sitting on a table in Denny's. One bagel turns to the other and says, "So how did that job interview go?" The other replies, "It went great, thanks".

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't bob fix it? I through a frige at him.he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats bent but straight for danielle? Joseph Plummer

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Bugs dance, so do ants, Oh my glob it’s Adventure Time!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops