A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

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A quadriplegic walked into a bar, and... oh, whoops, nevermind.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road? Because it got hit by a bus

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How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

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Shakespeare walks into a bar, Having just seen someone that has been dead for over 400 years, the young man in the corner quits his drug addiction; it was clearly messing with his brain.

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Q: whats the difference between a t.v and a dead baby? A: i don't have a t.v in my garage

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What does these 3 words all have in common? terrifiant, hrollvekjandi, Przera?aj?ce They all mean the same thing describing Ian! CREEPY

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Why is this the worst joke ever? Because it isn't even funny.

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? Pay a reasonable sum of money.

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kennah campion when she talks

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How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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What did the southern uncle say to his nephew when he woke up? Good morning, son.

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What do you call a pig that does karate? By its name. Pigs are often referred to by something regarding the 'Oink' sound that they make. Perhaps in this instance, the pigs name was Oinky. However, this is only a supposition. The range of names is really too wide to make a fair prediction.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

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Yo momma's so fat she weighs more than the average woman of her age and height

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what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

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Q: What did the passengers think of thier Chineese bus driver? A: They were very pleased with the bus driver's service, for he was a very safe driver and got them to their destination on time.

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How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

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What came first the egg or the hen? your mother did, when I had sex with her last night.

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Why did the orange cross half way across the road Because it ran out of juice

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

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Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops