So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

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So 2 guys are curious if there is baseball I heaven... So they say when either of them dies they have to come back as a spirit and tell the other man if there is baseball in heaven One of the guys dies and comes back as a spirit... He comes to the other man and says... I've got some good news and some bad news The man says what's the the good news? The spirit says the good news is there is baseball in heaven So the man says what's the bad news?? The spirit says... Your pitching Tuesday night!

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

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What is brown and lives in a toilet? A black homeless man

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -None, they will pay for somebody else to do it

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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DID YOU HEAR THE FBI INVENTED A TELEPHONE THAT THEY CAN USE TO CALL THE DINOSAURS? ITS TRUE! Them DAMN DINOS REFUSE TO PICK UP THEIR CELLPHONES THOUGH! Nero: This is not completely accurate though, a T-Rex called us twice actually, but he just kept roaring, making communication impossible... ...That sad moment when you post a totally non ofensive joke, then to tell you that I might your father, me or one of the sixthy guys that bukkaked your mother which was sucking off a dog and... Anyway problem solved!

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A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

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what dyu call a bunch of white guys on a bench? the NBA

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What did the child get from there parent on Christmas? Nothing. He's an orphan.

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the awkward moment when a sentence doesnt end the way you think it octopus

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God told John to come forth and recieve internal golry forever. John came fifth and recieved a toaster.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? A worm in your apple.

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A white guy and a black guy are sitting in a bar. The white guy apologizes to the black guy for the hundreds of years of slavery endured by his people.

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What did Harry Potters owl say to Harry Potter? delivowe for hawwy potter!

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Why did the woman drown in the bathtub? Her husband was holding her under.

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How did the chicken perform the bank robbery? It was crossing the road and cluelessly walked into a bank, and EVERYONE in that bank had Chickenphobia so they just GAVE him the money...

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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EVERYBODY has a penis!!! Everybody!!!!

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Q: What did the serial rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

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Why Did The Man Fall Off His Motorcycle? Because he hit a bus.

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What is the one thing you can never steal back? Your viginity.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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