- Anti Joke

Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

What's the difference between an alien and Obama? - Nothing they are both aliens.

knock knock who's there ... 'Opens the door slowly SUPRISE BUTT SEX!

caoimhin is a dorty carrot

-What do you say to a woman with Two Black eyes?. -Are you really that dumb to leave the kitchen twice -Elder High School

Why was the penguin popular? He cuts himself.

What do you call a blonde driving the wrong way down the freeway? Well that depends on what her parents named her, or whether she happens to have a nickname of sorts.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In Soviet Russia, Poem writes you.

John had 50 candy bars and he ate 45 what does he have...... Diabeaties

What color is the grass on Bob's lawn? Bob lives in a apartment.

How do u kill a gay man? Shoot him in the head

Teacher: Why did you fail this test? Student: Because the hamster that gives energy to my brain just died.

why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

What did the minority say to the white person? Aboobasashagaboogly. He was uneducated, along with the other minorities in the world.

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

A man finds a lamp and rubs it and a genie pops out and says he'll grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish I had a trillion dollars for which I can buy whatever my heart desires" and poof he gets it. The man says "I wish I had a beautiful wife for which I can love forever till the end of time." and poof he gets it. Finally, his 3rd wish he says "I wish I have my own country for which I can rule as king and become the greatest ruler in history." and poof he gets it.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

2 blondes were heading to Disney world, they saw up ahead that said "Disney World left" then took a left and enjoyed Disney World and had fun on the rides

1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

A black man walked out a window of a 20 story building a detective arives at the scene it was night time and he said wheres the body.

If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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