what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

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What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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A man walks into a bar with his dog. He orders 14 shots and proceeds to drink. For each shot he takes, he feeds one to his dog, who accepts it willingly. The bartender says "Well I've never seen anything stranger. Why did you order 14 shots, and why are you giving half to your dog." "Well," says the man, "my 14 year old dog was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition. I cannot afford to put him down, so the shots should kill him." The dog then dies.

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Have you seen Helen Keller's new car? Neither has Stevie Wonder.

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Why did the pig cross the ocean? So he could be eaten by Americans.

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Q: Why didin't fat billy take the last peace of pie? A: cuz he was not hungry

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't have to cook an onion to eat it.

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an alien is walking down the street he can't breathe our air and quickly suffocates and dies

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What did your mom get for christmas ? A stairstepper.

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Why was Joe lying on the ground? Because he got shot.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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The last person on Earth is sitting home alone when suddenly there is a knock at the door. Knock knock Who's there? *silence* Damn this joke got creepy...

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and your mom? Your mom is a well educated lawyer who earns half a million dollar a year while the prostitute sells her own body for an extremely small amount of money.

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Why did the Christian man dislike gays? Because Christianity views being gay as a sin, and as a follower of the religion he decided he did not like gays.

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Chuck Norris shaves with his fists. That's why he still has a beard.

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How do you acquire a bomb? Go to the bomb store.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Does it really matter?

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An American, a German, and a Mexican walk quickly into a room. They were late for a work meeting.

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So Colton Yepma walks in to Accounting and proceeds to read jokes

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What color do you wear if you're in the NAVY? Beige, white, sometimes camouflage - really, it depends on your rank and the situation.

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? A friendly individual who cares nothing about racial differences and instead judges people based on character.

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A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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