What did one apple say to the other apple? -Nothing, apples can't talk

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How do you drown a blonde? hold her head down until she stops breathing

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Knock Knock Who's there? You have AIDS.

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haiku for you ladies and gents My mother once said, "Slow and steady wins the race" She died in a fire.

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Whats worst than being raped by a black guy? Being raped by two black guys? You racist i'm calling the police.

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What did Mel Gibson say to the African-American? I'm sorry

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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What did the teenage boy do when his mum was out shopping? Finish his homework.

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How many Stephen Hawkings does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He can't.

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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What's brown and sticky? Most forms of excrement.

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how many niggaz dose it take to fit in al lightbolb?? 36 ahahahh yall deez nutz

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Whats dark, has an opening, and guys like to go into it? A Vagina

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Why did God create Ebola? Because he hates us all.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? On average 2,950, however, this has not been properly tested due to obvious reasons.

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

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Womens rights

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What do you call a black guy that steals a car? A father desperate to save his dying son who doesn't have a car to drive to a hospital

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Why did the clown fall off the unicycle? Because I shot him in the face.

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Q: There was a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, every one died, no one saw the train wreck, so how did the story about the wreck get out? A:Many philosophers believe that the universe is a figment of its own imagination. Therefore, if "the universe" decided that it wanted the story to get out, it could have just made it so since it is its own imagination.

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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Why did the duck walk on the moon? Because it was his lifelong goal

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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