Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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Why are soccer players sad? They couldn't play Football.

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That awkward moment when your brother goes to crack his neck, but he dies instead.

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haha

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The declaration of Independence was singed in? Pen.

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How do you kill a dumb blonde? Personally, I love stabbing them.

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A guy, arriving at the pearly gates of Heaven, asks St. Peter "Why did I die? Why me." St. Peter replies: "You died the same way everyone does. Lack of oxygen to the brain."

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

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Yup, I 100% agree with all the jokes that were made below this post. Chad's pretty gay.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Yo momma is so dumb, the tests came back positive for mental retardation and she has been given an expected life expectancy of 2 years.

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whats the difference between a phone and Helen Keller? you listen to the phone and you smash Helen Keller on the head with a spiked baseball bat

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How did Doris respond to Uncle Monty's innapropriate chewing of her nose, ears and eyelids? She cut his head off, placed it an a saucepan, boiled and seasoned it, and then sold it to the middle east. The middle east were very grateful, and sent Doris a camel's penis as a thankyou gift.

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A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

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Why did Sally fall out of the tree? Because She had no arms or legs... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock-Knock? Who's There? Not Sally

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q. a whale walks into a bar. The bartender asks"why are you wailling?" A. I my 3 year-old son died.

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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Roses are red Violets are blue one plus one Equals two

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what did the cat say to the dog? I turded out my crap hole

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What's heavier: a kilogramme of steel or a kilogramme of feathers? A kilogramme of steel, because steel is heavier than feathers.

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your so fat. your fat!

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Yolo Pierre because of Etzio tickle shits faggatron and individual nut join forces to become the shit suckers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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