- Anti Joke

What's Hitler's favorite drink? Jews (meaning juice)

Q: What's so funny about medical records? A: You're not the one dying.

Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

What do you get when you mix a bulldog with a shitzu? One delicious smoothie.

What did the 11 year old boy get for christmas? A wet dream

Whats black,white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

This Irishman walked into a pub and then drank hard liquor for the next 3 hours.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

A family of five sit on a bench, the bench falls the family die.

What's brown and furry on the outside, soft moist and tastes good on the inside, begins with "C" and ends with "T", and has a "U" and an "N" in it? A coconut.

what is the name of the book that helen keller wrote LADIUFgSLDGFhalkjgfvcgh

Why can't Chuck Norris die? He can, he's just a normal human being.

Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

There's my tractor.

Whats more fun than swinging a baby around on a clothesline at 200 miles per hour ? Stopping it with a shovel

Q: Why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Your question is fundamentally wrong. Religion is a collective hallucination.

So there is a muslum, then he flew a plane into a building and died a sudden death. But he was wearing a helmet.

what's longer than my shlong? .... nothing

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk...

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a platypus? Well, I don't think it's genetically possible by nature, but Turtpus is a pretty funny name.

Before Marriage: Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will. Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: Never. Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

Your mom is so ugly that you should buy her a paper bag to cover her face because she is just so very unattractive that it burns mine and everyone else's eyes.

last night i was doing some guy in the ass. i went to give him a reach around and the homo had a boner! freakin queer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops