Q: What did the Catholic man say in response to the gay man asking what he likes to do? A: golf

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A woman stopped making sandwiches.

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Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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How do you stop a plane? Land it.

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Why doesn't the man like iced tea? Because he likes it hot.

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How do you stuff a giraffe into a refrigerator? You can't, giraffes are too big.

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

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Yo mommas teeth are so yellow that.....I reccomend she see a dentist.

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

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what ddo you call someone that has a small dick benjamin

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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A man once went duck pin bowling, 5 years later he died of leukemia.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

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What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

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So a horse walks into a bar. The rancher immediately contacted medical help, and with a little teamwork, the horse was treated and revived.

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Why does Greg steal? Because he is a thief He is also scouse!

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why did the man leave his house during a state of emergency? he didnt

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whdid the cop say to the robber as he ran out of the bakery? I caught you bread handed

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What do you call someone that blows up a plane? Nothing you were on that plane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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