What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

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I'm pretty sure you can't throw a fridge...

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What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

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Why was the girl running? She had to catch her bus.

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What happened when the black woman moved to the front of the bus? There were no seats available but everyone was very nice about it. She also asked for gum. Somebody did have gum. Which was nice.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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So this chat, the talk on the phone was all a ruse?

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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Q: Why did the mugger kill the bus driver? A: Because he had a gun.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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A Stoner sees a bag of chips.

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How does a black man spell Jack J-A-C-K

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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knock! knock! who's there? the police, your family died in a car crash!

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Roses are Red Violets are blue I have short term memory loss Hey look thats my bike over there.

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There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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Why did timmy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at hm

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the sidewalk he was on does not.

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Why can't black people get sunburned? Natural selection allowed ancient Africans to develop a darker skin shade that would counter strong UV rays.

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What's even funnier than 24? A clown in a tree.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops