What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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What starts with "F" and ends in "uck" Firetruck.

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What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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kennah campion... being nice

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How can humans fly? Well if you run and jump of a cliff...nevermind you would just smash your face on the ground. I guess that isn't technically flying.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

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Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

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Whats worse then walking into a door? getting shot in the head by a 10ft squirrel holding 44.magnum and a slice of cheese in the other

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Why was the blackman fired from his job? Beacuse he was late too many times which was unacceptable.

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Your mama's so hairy, she has to shave occasionally.

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"Ask me if I'm a tea pot" "Are you a tea pot?" "No" Try this on your friends

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Q. What do you get when you cross a bird with a human? A. Arrested.

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do you know who loves getting fisted? sock puppets

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Q: What did the cop do when he saw a mexican in his car? A: Nothing, he was looking in a mirror.

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A man walked into the woods with alzheimers......pancakes

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How do you blindfold an asian? With a blindfold.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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