Have you ever seen the movie called "The Tourist"? No

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Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. But it wasn't actually getting bigger, it was just getting closer. So I got hit in the face.

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What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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What did the Chinese man say to the Japanese man Nothing as they have never met

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A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

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What's brown and sticky A stick

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What do you call a cat at the bottom of the ocean? A cat.

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God is like semen. They're both nouns.

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A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

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Roses are grey Violettes are grey I am colour blind And I suck at rhymes

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How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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I don't get it

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A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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Why did the plane crash? Because something was wrong with the engine

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket? No. A picture of a red bucket? No. A photo nailed to a red bucket, which shows a red bucket with a very realistic painting of a red bucket on it? Yes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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