Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am a gardener

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and was involved in the killing of 12 other numbers on last Tuesday.

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A man wakes up in his bed and looks at the clock. He realises he is gonna be late for work. He quickly gets out of bed, into the bathroom, has a shower, puts his deodorant on and brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and goes in his car. He drives out of his garage and drives to his work but gets stuck in traffic. He then gets to the car park of his work and parks his car. He gets out, goes up the elevator to his floor, when the elevator door opens to his floor, he quickly says hello to Terrance and goes to his bosses office. And guess what the boss says? You're late.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Santa isn't real

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: The driver was a loaf of bread

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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Why did the boy fail his midterm? he didnt study.

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whats the difference between a black man playing basketball and a white man playing basketball? They are different races

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If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

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KENYAN HEALTHCARE kenyan water kenyan aids-free kenyan we dont have flies around us

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Q: What do you do when the light burns out A: Just replace it with a bulb from a less used room

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What did Stephen Hawking say after he scaled Mount Everest? Yay!

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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A man walks into a bar. It leads to a fight that is enjoyable to watch.

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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A catholic priest and Jerry Sandusky walk out of an elementary school.

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You wanna know what's out of this world? The moon

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So a boy walks into a bar. He broke his arm and now is severly crippled

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Why did the horse go to the doctor? It had a heart disease.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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