Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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Why do dead Republicans float? Their corpse's mass-to-volume ratio is less than the water they displace. It is very sad.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall again? Because somebody put her back on. Why wasn't she able to hug her dad? Because she has no dad.

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-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -Probably a decent amount.

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They say duck tape can fix every thing, Not my grandma's cancer for that matter.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Are you ready kids "Aye Aye Captain" I Can't hear you "AYE AYE CAPTAIN" Ohh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea "Spongebob squarepants" Absorbant and yellow and porous is he "Spongebob Squarepants" If nautical nonsense be something you wish "Spongebob Squarepants" Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish "Spongebob Squarepants" READY Spongebob squarepants Spongebob squarepants Spongebob squarepants SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

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Dennis: you can make anything out of coppersulfate Austin: But copper sulfate can make things out of you

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Why did the blonde fail her driving test? She was paralyzed and had down syndrome.

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You no what the biggest lie in history is? Agreeing to the terms and services whenever you sign up for a website

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How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

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A moose walks into a store, walking up to an employee he says "Where are the potatoes?" The employee replies "Isle 5." The moose thanks the employee and heads off to find Isle 5. Upon reaching isle 5- he finds no potatoes.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger at Terminator: Gaynysis (or whatever I wont bother checking that out) YA NEED TO REMUV THE QUANTANAMO TRANSLACATOR TO RELOCALIZAYSEE THE INTERDEEMENENTIONAL MAYTREX! Yes, Pops but what about the time travel Paradox? YOU NEEED TO REMOV THE CRISTAL PALARDOXAL WARCALIBREITOR IN ORDA TO DESINSTONYSE THE DEEMENTIAL CORDALOXEY! Me: *Leaving the cinema* Moral: If you thought the trailer was like "meh", then you will soon realize it was the best part off the movie... The only part that is meh, and while I can honestly say I dont understand shit about how timelines work in Terminator (The creators dont do it either) Having Arnold Fucking Swartsnigger go with the Geek lingo DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! To explain things to me, NOTHIIIIING!

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Why are hurricanes named after women? They're wet and wild when they come and take your car and house when they leave.

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I..

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What did the wizard say to the man? Wizards aren't real. Thus not able to speak.

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What do you call a Black man sweeping the floor? A janitor.

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Why did the goat cross the road. To put his sacrifices into the pentagram.

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What do you call a person trying to rob a store with no arms? Peter Pan

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Man don't you hated when birds shit all over your car! Man I'm glad cows don't fly!

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What's worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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Yo momma's so hot I raped her and slit her throat afterwards and hid her body in a ditch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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