What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did the sphinx say to the Minotaur? Nothing, as they are fictional creatures and in according to probable science, don't not exist.

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What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

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Knock knock. Who's there? I don't know, i was wondering if you knew.

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When did Rick Santorum realize he was gay? When we woke up with a bloody condom in his ass.

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What happened to the lady? She queefed.

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why are balck people black because they are

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why did the black guy die? cancer

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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Whats big, red and will cause severe injuries possibly fatalities if it falls out a tree? A phone box

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bigger worm in your apple.

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't the farmer shot him before he could have a chance at freedom.

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Q: What's worse than tripping down the stairs in front of a crowd of people? A: The bombing of Hiroshima

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A Blonde, a Jew, a Rooster, and a Mexican walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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A friend? Just a friend that you told to stop pretending to be me? And you had no idea whatsoever that I am Nero as in not one of the six hundred thousand wabbabes?

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What is the biggest lie ever? "I have read and agreed to the Terms of Use"

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Knock knock. Who's there? Bob, your neighbor. Okay, come in.

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Why do Mexicans always have heart burn? Because the food is spicy.

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What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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