Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Jill fall off the swings? -Because she had no arms. Knock Knock? --Who's there? Not Jill. What did Jill get for Christmas? -What? I don't know. She couldn't open it.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Did you hear about the man who played the lottery? He lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was 7 afraid of 6, because 6 raped 5

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

thumb_up thumb_down +20

knock knock Dave's not here.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

My Nan, that is all.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue You just lost the game UMAD Bro?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's better than winning a million dollars? Winning 2 million dollars!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the clown go to the graveyard? because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Bill: ask me if i am three ducks in a man suit Jim: are you three ducks in a man suit? Bill: yes

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What burns like hell? Gonorrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did Susie fall of the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who`s there? not Susie

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why was the black man drowning? His boat sank.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Everything's grey, I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops