What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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Man 1: Ask me if im a flower Man 2: "are you a flower?" Man 1: if i was a flower do you think i could talk? man 1 was wondering why man 2 was so uneducated

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What does a vegetarian eat? colored penis

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Roses are red violets are blue I have alziemers banana cookie!

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ROSES ARE RED VILOTS ARE BLUE I HOPE YOU KNOW IM A JEW

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How can you tell I'm the biggest idiot in the room? Look at me.

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Im sitting in class trying to write a joke. I should be writing my speech But i'm better off trying to think of the funniest joke that could get on the front page with over 9000 likes :( Lol nah thats never going to happen :'(

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Our societal waste doesn't deserve to be called a group. They fail to organize themselves and lack the intelligence to support themselves. Let's call them a collective. Similar to dust, or smarter than them, bacteria.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

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Why is the baby on fire? Because there was a gas leak at the day care facility. It would have been a terrible tragedy had a heroic babysitter not come to the rescue.

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"I see!" said the blind man, as he picked up a saw and hammer.

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Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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What did the monkey say to the lion? I'm being sexually abused by my handler, and feel so violated.

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Guess what my dad got me for my birthday? NOTHING, he left my mom and I when I was a baby.

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Guy 1: "hey look that homeless guy is riding a bike!" Guy 2 " Ya i know and look, there's a dead pro biker other there"

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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A rabbi walks into a bar mitzwa.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you need a poo.... ...hold it in.

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Erron who the hell are you? How many people are you going to use before you finish whatever the fuck is on your agenda?

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Mom I am so sorry I molested you yesterday. Im not your mom! Phew, wanna go out?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Macy's was having a giant sale.

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How do you stop someone from getting cancer? Kill them.

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an emo girl walked into a white room

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops