Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Knock Knock Who did that?

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What did Osama Bin Laden Say to Obama when they met? Nothing Osama is Dead

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman says no.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he was applying for a job that's building was located on the other side of the street.

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Q: How do you stop a hobo from stealing your money A: You steal the hobo

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If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? It depends on how sound is defined

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Wanna buy some meth.

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Why was the uneducated black guy raped? To make this joke more risky and therefore funnier.

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why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

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Bill: ask me if i am three ducks in a man suit Jim: are you three ducks in a man suit? Bill: yes

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Q: What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? A: oh noo my tractor broke down.

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Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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what do you call a Nice Nazi A Nazi... He's still a Nazi.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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How did 6-year old dyslexic boy start his essay on soap? Sopa is shit...

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Neither have I

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Whats fast, dead and make of CGI. Paul Walker

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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