A deaf man walks into a bar. A few minutes later, cops come in and takes the poor man into the cop car and takes him downtown to the precinct for booking. Meanwhile, back in the bar the deaf man drinks his beer and converses with the bartender in sign language.

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Whats the difference between a Cadillac and 100 dead babies? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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How far can a baby fly? As far as you can throw it.

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because he was looking for other chickens because he has no friends and he got bullied when he was in 12th grade. He got picked on because he was sledding down his hill in his backyard and he accidentally scraped one side of his face on ice and started bleeding. The next day his classmates started calling him two face.

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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Mum makes $97 per hour working online? Offline I can see , but online, mmm pull the other one, it plays lossless codecs

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whats fat and sits on a toilet? a fat guy sitting on the toilet

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Roses are red, and many other colors too.

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How do you get a blonde's attention? Throw deodorant at her until she looks.

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My mother has great posture. She's paralyzed from the neck down.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The farm was sold and he had no other place to go.

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What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

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James walks into a room he then leaves as the room is full of hot women but he does not find them attractive as he has a girlfriend and is also bisexual.

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q; whats small and high pitched a; rory johnston

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What does an Asian do in a library in his school? Write one of these.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

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Intercom:ALERT! THERES AND EXTREIMEST IS THE SCHOOL! Little kid: Sir, can I borrow that towel on your head? BOOOOOOM!

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What is the difference between an apple and an apple? One has a brown spot.

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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What did God say to Abraham? Nothing, because God doesn't exist.

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Women's rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops