What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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What did little Timmy find at the bottom of the well? The fact that he could no longer breathe and thus causing him to drown.

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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A black man and a mexican man jump off the empire state building.Who wins? Nobody,suicide is a serious thing and it is depressing to think that the minorities In America would do such a thing to themselves.

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Women deserve equal rights.

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What did the salami say to the ham? Nothing; meat can not talk

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The Dark knight rises................. From the place he was before he rose.

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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