A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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what is 1 plus 1 i don't know ask your teacher

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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm bad at poetry, ELEPHANTS!

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Q.How do you kill a Zombie? A. You can't Zombies are fictional monsters that do not exist in our reality. instead why not focus on killing other things such as, Terrorists, Ants and People who piss you off

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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why did victor sell half of club getaway because he wants a partner why did david buy the half because victors dying

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What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

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Have you seen stevie wonders house? neither has he.

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So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

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What do you call it one an Arab and a Jew get married? Love.

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This planking craze is really taking over... my elderly nextdoor neighbour has been planking in her garden for three days straight!

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why does Gandalf have special powers? Because Dumbledore died.

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Did you hear about the guy with five penises? Me neither, because that sounds like a very improbable aberration.

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Yo momma is so ugly that shes been taking self acceptance classes for her very low self esteem which is only one of many side affects shes had from years of bad relationships and being told she was and infact still is horrifically ugly its a truly sad thing and being the child of her you should be ashamed that you have not worked to help raise her self esteem

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what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

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What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

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how do you poke a chinese person in the eye? with a credit card!

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What did the fat man say to the other far man Hey your fat

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Why did the man trip over the kitten? He was blind.

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what do u call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalotopuss

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So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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