A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

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why was Michael Jackson at K-Mart? They offer high quality items at a reasonable price and lay-away during the holidays.

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It's okay, I got the yogurt.

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eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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what do you call an animal thats black and white and red all over? an elephant

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A horse walks into a bar. "Rough day?" says the bartender. UUUNNNHHHHH!

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Q: How do you keep a blond occupied for an hour? A: You write "flip over" on both sides of a blank piece of paper.

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Q: What's worse than biting into and apple and finding a worm? A: being severely malnourished, thus physically inept to do most simple tasks

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What did the west African get for his birthday? Ebola

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I know that a lot of people don't like morbid jokes, for it isn't everybody's cup of liquidized dead baby.

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How come Susie fell off of the swing? -because I hit her with an axe Coolhsoj

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Your mother's so ugly she has low self-esteem

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What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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what do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Bu dum, cshhhh.

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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Why did the man buy his wife expensive flowers? It was their anniversary and he is a faithful husband.

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why should you not go to sleep in public? Because that's how you get raped.

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What does a sailboad and a walrus have in common? Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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