"Ask me if I'm a tree," "Are you a tree?" "No."

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Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, 'Have you heard about this mad cow disease?' and the other says 'Good thing we're penguins.'

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What do you call a cat without a face ? - Kitty !

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Whats funny about a man in a pink leotard ? Nothing infact i think he's very brave

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Why didn't the chicken not get across the road? Cause it's head got shot off by some drunk asshole

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I walk the path less taken. Moral: Everything in life is a moral, as far as I care immorality does not exist, everything goes, I AM MORAL MAN!! He`s the MORAL MAN IIS HEE A MORAAL OR IS HEE... (you know Ozzy) AND NOW THAT YOU ARE DOMINATED you can go back to your fun, or reply, again, but you see, at this point I am already elswhere, so if you reply, you lose your control of your nasal coughanalcough nerve endings, and the potency of course.

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Knock Knock........wait there cars gone, I'll come back later

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69

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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A black guy, a jew, and an asian walk into a bar, have a beer each, and then leave, because they have high-paying jobs and don't want to risk getting DUIs.

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Have you ever seen the episode of the powerpuff girls where they save the day?

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Your mom is so fat that her doctor told her to go on a diet.

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist -Tag

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Clyde: Hey John! :D John: Hey clyde! :D Clyde: :D! John: :D! Clyde: :D, :), :|, :(, D'X John: ? hey man, are you ok? Wtf is going on with you? Clyde: Man, it's not me... :'(... It's you... It's your... Your... John: My what? Clyde: YOUR FACE!!!! D'X

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Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

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what do u call a Muslim flying a plane??? 9-11

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What's the difference between a man and a woman? Generally speaking- biology, except in cases of transexuality.

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Why do people laugh at anti-jokes? Because of a chemical reaction to a neurological phenomenon that results from the brain's response to external stimuli.

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What do you call a whale driving a plane? A horibble massacre.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was younger, he was made fun of by all the bigger numbers. Everyday after school he would go home and wonder why he was made fun of. Was it his looks? How tall he was? The pain and suffering never stopped. He thought of suicide every day he got home from school. One day his mom got home from work and found 6 bleeding in the shower. She thought he was dead. She hurried him to the hospital where he was barely kept alive. After months of recovery, he started going back to school. The bullying never stopped, they started calling him a loser who should have died. He got older and depressed as a teenager. He got ahold of alcohol and began drinking. He went to meetings and got over his addiction. 10 years later he meets up with 7. It takes him back to his horrible childhood with the big numbers. Every time 6 sees 7, he gets reminded of everything. 7 had also murdered someone in front of 6.

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whats the difference between sand and period blood? You cannot gargle sand.

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Why doesn't the chicken cross the road Because his dad got ran over by a car when he crossed the road

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your mom is so ugly that she was made fun of in highschool so much that she now has social issues and a fear of close relationships which is why she left you and your father at age 5

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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