Q: What did the redneck say when he ran out of beer? A: I need more beer.

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

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Someone told me once, but i had terrible memory so I had them tell me again.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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There is a wizard standing on a street corner. A boy walks up to the wizard and says, "Can you turn invisible?" The wizard replies, "Oh, I'm not a wizard. I'm a hobo with a long beard and a bathrobe." The hobo then proceeded to begging the boy for money.

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Josh is sooo great at blowing, xoxo Dylan Hodge.

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Knock knock. Who's there? There's no need to ask this question due to the fact that most homes are built with peepholes nowadays.

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A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

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Why did labour not win the election in 2010? Because they are clearly shit.

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knock knock who's there the police you're under arrest for the kidnapping, and murder of 12 girls you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law

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Knock Knock Who's There? Steve Steve who? Your friend Steve, you called and told me to come over. Oh, come in.

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What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it

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what do all black jokes start with (look left look right)

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an 80 yr old man apllies to walmart

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Knock knock Who's there? The Land Lord The Land Lord who? I am here to evict you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am adopted And so are you

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joe paterno doesn't walk into a police station

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What's green and smells like a dirty whore? A dirty whore

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What happens when you cut down a tree? It falls over.

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What did the bride do on her wedding day? Get married.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because no cars were coming.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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