What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

The ability to live the life of a dead person.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

yo mama's so dumb, she had to retake the 11th grade.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the bird fall out of the sky? Someone shot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man walks into a bar. He realizes that he would need a designated driver if he would want to return home safely. So he then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because death was certain if it didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? Ask her.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's red, blue & green all over?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why couldnt the man find his wallet? He didnt have one

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what has four legs but cant move? dead dog

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: Buttsex? A: Butsex!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the blonde sad? Her phone was broken due to an NNEMP.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the Hispanic woman cheat on her husband? Because he couldn't maintain an erection, was boring, and collected stamps.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam." I promptly informed the authorities. He was transported to a mental institution and I later learned that he swallowed his own tongue and died. Nobody attended his funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And I hate Jewish people

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops