What is BIG, STIFF, AND FULL OF SEMEN!!!? A SUBMARINE!!!!!!!

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

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Obama holds the most records for Multikills with Drones. Mu-mu-muuuultiiikilllll.

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What's brown, smelly, and will never have a job? Poop.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris who?" "NOBODY SAYS 'CHUCK NORRIS WHO'!!!"

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set a firework off on her face.

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We was all sat down at the table ready to eat then Gary must've said something to Lucy because she just burst into tears and left the table.

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What's worse then finding 10 babies in 1 trashcan? Finding 1 baby in 10 trashcans.

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What did the ocean say the other ocean? Nothing, bodies of water are incapable of speech.

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what did the duck say to the other duck Quack

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can you touch your toes? no

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Why did the blonde go to law school? She was sick of people assuming that she was not an intelligent woman due to negative sterotypes about her gender and hair color and set out to prove said people wrong.

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If Chuck Norris was really so awesome he would come and slam my head into the keyboard.

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What gets you a succesful life and career? Swag

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Yo mama so ugly that she often has trouble being attractive towards people of the opposite gender

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why did joe diragi cross the road there was food on the other side

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What did john say to dave when his grandfather died ?

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Niggas be like you ugly and you playing hard to get, yo ass already hard to want!

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THE GAME

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family killed themselves.

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What's worse than rain on your birthday? Dying

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A miserable man committed suicide.

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What is a baby chick after 9 days old? 10 days old.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops