What has a skinny head and specky? Josh Moran.

What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

Like this if you have a big diick like me Dislike if you have a baby diick Ignore if you're a girl and get back in the kitchen

OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

What is long and painful? It's a sword, get your mind out of the gutter.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

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roses are gray, violets are gray, Im a dog

Where would you find a dog with one leg? Possibly in a vet's surgery, or in an animal rescue home or being cared for by a loving owner.

Hi, this is Luke. Luke, I am your father. I burned my father's body after he died saving my life on a large space station. You're not my father, stop calling.

A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

What happens when you drive down the road? you get to the end of the road

in a car crash an entire family is killed from death until they all die

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

Why cant Joe drive his tractor? Because he doesn't have any arms or legs. Why doesn't Joe have any arms or legs? BECAUSE JOE IS A POTATO.

A gay man,a black woman,a seven year old child,a liberal,an atheist and an asian walk into a building. A hijacked plane flies into the tower they were in and kills them all on a cold September morning.

Two antennas falls in love. They get married. The wedding was horrible, but the reception was great.

Penis

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he reveals a big penis and they have sex there and then.

Wha....You probably shouldnt read the rest of this because i lie a lot (This joke deserves lots of thumbs and comments!)

Q:How many pieces of paper can one tree make? A:Trees cannot make paper, people make paper from trees. So the answer is none, a tree can't make any paper whatsoever.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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